Am just a f***ed up guy who wants some peace of mind

First time blogging...Although, I recently saw Sheldon telling Howard to start expressing his thoughts in a blog in one of the episodes of Big Bang Theory because Howard was heartbroken. Have heard this umpteen number of times that blogging can be one of the outlets to take your mind off some stupid thoughts. I must add here that I am not blogging specifically for this reason. Although, am not feeling 'top of the world' right now (or for the past 2 years), I just thought that I must start writing something. I am no expert at this, I don’t do fancy English words or have a vocabulary which would give Shakespeare a run for his money, but hey..I live in a democracy and everyone is entitled to their freedom of speech and expression


Most humans are all mind boggled and mesmerised by the world called cinema. I am no different. I am amazed at some of the creative geniuses around. There are a hundred ways to express your heart and mind. Art as such is a generalised source of expression. Cinema is one of them. When the concept is played out over there in the screen with real characters emoting out the precise lines which would make the audience cry or skip a beat, I'm like whoa!! That is something....How I wish I go to Lacuna Inc. and get my memories erased of those traumatic moments which have made me feel so low over the past couple of years. How I wish, that just like Joel or Clementine, I can erase those spots in my brain. I would like to say just what Clementine said..'Am just a f***ed up guy who wants some peace of mind'. Over the past 2 years, I have also felt like the Cybertrnocis spawned android from A.I (David) who craves for love and in the quest for Blue Fairy, discovers it thousands of years later. At times, I have felt helpless like David and have wondered if I would ever get to meet the blue fairy who would help me in making the other person feel exactly how I feel. Although it (A.I) is based on "Super-Toys Last All Summer Long", I thought, the screenplay and direction of the movie was a pure Spielberg genius. Must say, the narrative, screenplay, performance and every bit of 'Eternal Sunshine.....' was also unbelievable.

I have no qualms in saying that the reason I felt like Joel or Clementine or David at various stages is because I have been through various emotions which made/make me feel like that. But it's no big deal. Everyone goes through something like that. Everyone has heartbreaks, feel miserable in life. It's just that you got to pick up the pieces and start churning out your life again. That is precisely what everyone says when it’s not their problem. When you got through sh1t, you would actually feel what the other person did when he or she was expressing it to you. Isn't it? I mean, your best friend or your parents could be with you only till a point. After that you got to be on your own. Take a break, go on a holiday, Change of place, change of jobs, meet new people...Have you heard things like these before? I sure have. Do you think these things would help? Didn't help me before I realised that it's all in the f***ing mind. It's all mental. Also, one more thing which I have learnt is to stop being a frog in the well...When I saw others' problems around me, I wanted to pick mine again. Common guys, life is short, enjoy every bit of it (have heard this often too..from friends and people who love to give advice). An elderly man asked me recently, as to 'What is life according to you?'. Seeing his age and experience, I did not want to get in philosophical bullsh1t and with all due respect to him, I gave him a small explanation, which I thought was pretty decent and I was feeling proud of myself (although was feeling like a f*****g hypocrite from inside because I was only telling half the truth. I wouldn't have been f****d up in life and at that moment had I followed what I said entirely). Considering his age and graciousness, I was obviously obliged to ask him the same question. I was thinking even if I don’t ask, he would anyway rant on about it. Surprisingly he did not comment anything. With the bubble about to burst inside me, I ended up asking him the same question and was like 'Whoa!! Dude..Get ready for a 1 hour lecture". In what could easily be the moment of enlightenment for me in my life, the man answered my question in just 2 words’ Thought Manifestation'. That is what life is 'Thought Manifestation'. If you think you are f****ed up, you are. I can never forget him in my life and really thank him for such a wonderful lesson. Feel Angry? Insulted? Feel like a loser? Show your anger constructively. I did, I started a blog today and hope to continue writing.

So, lost someone close? Lost the one you love? Feel cheated? Lost money in business or gambling? Lost your job? Get a life...I mean get your life back. Am sure going to get mine.